Things left unsaid... [Grayson]

[oracle]

Babs had been fed and taken care of, by a good friend. It was kind of nice, eve if she might have gotten a lecture. She tried not to think about any of that. Right now she was sitting in her chair in front of her computer as she tried to get the will up to work. Things were to crazy at the moment and she couldn't focus. What was worse is with everything going on it kept forcing Grayson into the forefront of her mind. Why? She tried very hard not to dwell on that. But seeing Bruce and Alfred again, it kind of made her miss him. She'd never admit it, at least not without some sort of serious prodding. The fact that she never took the necklace off was telling, even if she tried to deny it.

The refrigerator door slammed closed. She couldn't even figure out what she wanted to eat. Feeling restless she went to her computer and sat there for ten minutes without turning it on. Then she moved to the T.V. and flipped through every channel she had. With a growl of disgust she turned it off and tossed the remote onto the couch. Then she moved on to a book and so on. Finally, she found herself back in front of the fridge. This was getting her nowhere. She needed something to take her mind off things. Her hand went to her necklace and she quickly dropped it. No, she wouldn't go there, not tonight.

[Batman]

Life needed to make sense again. After all of these years doing what he did best, even that didn’t necessarily keep his head in check. Being a hero was like breathing. The inhales of fighting for those who could not defend themselves revitalized him. And now after taking on the cowl in order to contain what could only be described as war in the streets, now Dick Grayson couldn’t help but feel more lost than ever. He’d made a name for himself on his own only to have his tether yanked violently to pull him back to that cave and that cowl. Only this time he was not to play second fiddle to the Dark Knight. He had graduated into that cape that he had come to resent. He’d fought his way into making a name for himself only to take on a name that wasn’t his own.

He was Batman.

And now even that was going to possibly be taken away. He had to thrash out of doing things completely Bruce’s way and now he could be left with nothing again. The only thing was, that wasn’t why he was so discombobulated in the wake of Bruce’s apparent return. Dick was furious and he watched from a distance as his surrogate siblings greeted him their own way that night. He couldn’t face it though… There was that hint of fear that he’d let Bruce down by taking up his moniker or he would see that expression of disapproval in his methods. He had been fooling himself. He couldn’t have ever been Batman! He hadn’t become the cowl the way Bruce had. Dick was just a grieving son in Daddy’s closet playing dress up. He had started to become so accepting of this all and now Dick Grayson would be left with nothing and what hurt was that the man that was his father for so many years couldn’t even tell him that he was alive. Setting up shop as Batman was more important and all Dick Grayson could bring himself to do was watch that fiery symbol go up as he instructed Damian to hang back.

It was all gone. That feeling that let Dick know that he was doing the right thing and that he was doing what he should be was gone and now he was left with that empty tic that said he needed to get grounded. He was falling without a parachute and as he walked to the familiar apartment building all he could feel was that disgusting yank at his gut that told him he was actually nervous about this. He wanted to turn around and walk right on back to the Wayne Tower and train. His nerves then turned to steal at the sheer insult of anxiety. He took a deep breath as he pressed the button to buzz to her apartment. Hopefully she would answer. “C’mon Babs…” he pleaded under his breath.

[oracle]

Babs had been staring into the fridge blankly for a good five minutes when the buzzer went off. Her head tilted as she wheeled over to see who it was. Alfred had just been here, and Bruce would have just come in through the window. She looked out the window and blinked when she saw Dick. She wasn't ready for this, not now, her mind was too scattered and she couldn't concentrate. She'd say or do something stupid. The red head bit on her thumb nail and then growled as she wheeled over and buzzed him up. Then she found herself fixing her hair and looking in a mirror. Oh hell she looked like shit. Why now?

Quickly she hid the necklace under her shirt. She hadn't seen Dick since the funeral and well they still had so many things unresolved. Babs didn't want to deal with it right now. Well honestly, she never wanted to deal with it. But no now, she was too vulnerable. Who was she kidding, when it came to Grayson she was always vulnerable. After she fixed herself up the best she could she wheeled to the door.

The green eyed girl opened the door and looked down the hall. Shut the door so she didn't look like she was eager. She wasn't, really she swore she wasn't. The door opened once more and one green eye peeked out before it slammed shut. God, she can't do this, not now, too much going on. Dinah, Bruce, the kids.... Oh yes! She'll just turn the conversation on how he's dealing with Bruce's return. Safe topic all things considered. He'll end up wanting to vent and forget about ever talking about them. That is if he was even thinking about them. He could have moved on again, if he did she hoped he was happy, but she wasn't sure she wanted to know. Why can't she just be honest with him? Same reason she can't be honest with herself, it hurt too much. She opened the door and peeked out once more.

[Batman]

Not so much as a word… he thought to himself in a bit of remorse. Perhaps this was a mistake as he walked into the building upon being granted access. He was used to witty banter between that buzzer. He was used to hearing her voice and knowing that feeling of his stomach taking a pitfall as if he were skydiving. He sighed to himself, still not sure if he was doing the right thing as he climbed up the stairs. Considering his promise of coming back to her, he had a feeling he didn’t deserve that back and forth or that feeling anymore. Instead he only talked to Babs when she was delivering information and there was far too much urgency to dabble into their personal lives.

He missed the days where he could buzz in and feel his troubles melt away if only to last until he walked back out that door. Now… he didn’t know if that were possible. He remembered the simple fact that he never came back after he went with Tim and Bruce. He remembered that there was just no way to excuse his move to New York and his avoidance of all of this. Most of all, he remembered loving her without being pushed away; even if it was only for a short while. Since he’d watched that signal go up in flames, Dick had gotten the message. This was just the beginning and Dick Grayson didn’t know what to expect in regards to all fronts. He was as vulnerable as he could get and now all Dick could do was retreat to the person that helped him make sense of everything.

He found her hallway and wouldn’t have gotten the right door if he hadn’t heard it open and close. What am I doing here? he asked himself as he started towards the door. I’m probably the last person she’d want to see… He found that door and was just about to knock when it opened again and Dick couldn’t help but crouch in order to be at her level when it was cracked open. “Hey Babs,” he greeted; forcing a smile that blatantly pretended that everything was okay. It was better than the method he’d had when Bruce had died of pushing everyone away with a short fuse. “Is it alright if we talk… or something…” he let out a sigh that betrayed his initial act. For a performer, he wasn’t really all that convincing anymore. He’d reserved it all for pretending to be Batman. That’s all it ever was. Pretending.

And Dick Grayson was a goddamn pro at it.

[oracle]

Oh God, she should have like said something. He was going to know that something was up. Shit, shit, shit. She really messed it up this time. He knew her well enough. But maybe he knew Bruce was back and just chalked it up to that. She wasn't ready to see him yet but then she wasn't sure she ever would be ready to see him. They had too much history and nothing for what she felt for him has faded. It was going to be hard hiding it all.

Babs nearly jumped when he crouched down in front of her. "Hey, Pixie Boots." She gave him the same kind of smile he gave her. She sat there for several minutes just looking into those gorgeous eyes of his. Finally, she blinked and shook her head, then backed up to let him in. She'd found herself leaning forward and barely came to her senses before she kissed him. It was funny, they hadn't seen each other since the funeral, but before that she was able to control herself around him. Barely. But with everything going on she couldn't trust herself not to do something stupid. Like blurt out that she still loved him.

"Come on in. Want some coffee?" Babs looked behind her to kitchen and her hair moved over her shoulder. A brief flash of the chain could be seen before it was covered up again. "So, how have you been? Been doing alright? He's back. Wasn't sure if you knew. Made a statement and all that." She was babbling a sure sign that she was nervous. Had she been upset or scared she would have clammed up. This wasn't good, he'd be able to read her, he'll want to talk, she wouldn't.... Stop it, Babs. Get a grip. It's Grayson, you guys know each other, you are friends things will be fine. Just keep your cool. Easier said then done when all she wanted was for him to hold her and tell her it would be alright while she blubbered all over him. This was bad, so very bad. But she was glad to see him none the less.

[Batman]

Dick couldn’t help but smirk at her greeting. He missed the pet names just as much as he missed everything else. He didn’t voice it now. He spent too much time lamenting the people that came and went; by way of passing through or through transport of a grave. He’d put in so much energy in grief in the last few years. Be it for ended relationships, the death of friends and innocent bystanders, or the loss of a symbol that not only reminded him just why he put on a mask and paraded around in dark colored pajamas but also gave him the word ‘father’ for the first time since the death of the Flying Graysons. Stop it, he scolded himself. They’re all gone. He’s gone. There’s nothing you can do about it.

He almost sighed in regret as she backed up. That lingering moment was not only on her side but he stuck in that slight crouch as well, trying to get the nerve or insanity to press forward and take his chances. He pulled away just as quickly and stood back up as he walked in. His cheeks didn’t pink the way they would have if he were still a ridiculous kid. He didn’t stammer. Instead he simply walked into the apartment; staying as casual as he’d always been. With her there were no charades he had to put on other than the one that was whether or not he was still hung up on her and whether or not he had the stones to do anything about it in case he decided to drop the act. It would remain that, though. He was playing the part of someone who was seeing an old friend and not one of the only women he’d ever loved.

With all of the performances he put himself through, one would think that he would have gotten an Oscar or at least a Daytime Emmy.

“Coffee’d be great though I’m shocked you’re willing to share your stash,” he quipped as his blue gaze briefly caught a familiar chain but he thought nothing of it. Hell, she probably put something else on there by now. He fought the urge to expel a sigh only to break it at the mention of Bruce. “I know he’s back. I saw,” he said bitterly, almost disgusted with the theatrics. It was saying quite a bit since Dick was the performer out of all of them. “Kind of fucking hard to miss a flaming Bat Signal,” he added curtly. Dick had no idea why it angered him so much but if Bruce was going to go about the way he did in regards to letting his family know that he was back, he just might not give up the cowl. He missed being Nightwing but for some reason, those heartless actions by Bruce inspired Dick to essentially reply in kind. It hurt. His own father couldn’t tell him that he was alive through even the likes of a phone call. He had to pretend to civilians that Bruce was still alive but away on business and he had to pretend to be Batman to take his place. It left Dick bitter. It left Dick angry. It left Dick Grayson hurt beyond recognition, the only pain he’d felt like this was when his parents died and even then, Bruce had been there to take him in and shape him into what he was today.

Now Bruce was somehow back and Dick was left with nothing but a bitter taste in his mouth.

“How messed up is it that it bothers me? I should be glad he’s back, you know? I should be dancing and giving him that stupid cape and letting him handle Damian.” As he walked a bit more into the apartment he flopped onto the couch as if he had done this every day of his life. Hell! He practically had. He turned his head to look over at Babs. Damn she’s beautiful, he thought to himself before cursing his thought process. He shut his eyes for a moment just so he could keep from looking at her with the affection that would betray his intentions for this visit. He needed someone to talk to that knew how this felt. He couldn’t necessarily talk to Alfred about it. The man that had acted like an affectionate nurturer to Dick was, if nothing else, faithful. He could never put him in that position. He let a defeated sigh escape his lips. “But I think something just keeps blaring in my head. Yelling that that isn’t the Bruce we all knew. Like I just can’t trust it.” If I do, he’ll be taken away again… A hand rose to run along his face. “I hate him so much,” he breathed out in a tone that was more of a denotation that he may as well have been racked with tears.

“How about you, Babs? How’ve you been holding up?”

[oracle]

The woman had to back up. She had been mere seconds away from kissing him to hell with everything. She swallowed hard as she watched him. He was hurting and in a bad way. She pushed her selfish thoughts out of her head. He needed her now and not as the ex? fiancee but as a friend. They never really ended it, just put it on hold. Only it never got taken off pause, maybe that was part of the issue. Green eyes rolled at his comment about sharing. "You're special. You can have some." It was meant to sound slightly insulting, in teasing manner but she missed the mark. Too much affection slipped through and quickly she wheeled into the kitchen.

"You were there?" She wheeled back in and looked over at him. She handed him the cup and frowned slightly. "I didn't see you." Not even he said hello or stopped wondered how she was handling it. The chasm just got wider, not matter what Bruce told her, she sure as hell didn't feel a part of it. She hid the hurt rather well, she was good at that, at least in public. She nearly slipped with Alfred, but she was pretty sure she kept the act intact. "I don't remember him being like that. Maybe whatever happened changed him. I don't know and I can't explain it. All I know is that he's back and from the looks of it Tim and Cass are falling apart even worse than before. He didn't even tell Alfred." She watched as he sat down and then moved her chair to the couch. "Butt's getting numb." Babs slid onto the couch next to him and looked over at him. "You can talk to me, Pixie Boots."

The redhead shrugged her shoulders. "Part of me wished he'd stayed dead. That was one of my first reactions, especially after I saw how the kids reacted. It was hard enough dealing with his death, to suddenly have him pop back up? It made me feel like he pulled a really lousy prank on us all." She blew her hair out of her face and took a sip of her coffee. "Do you want to give it up? If so, maybe you could start like Grayson Investigations or something. Become a gumshoe. Get out from behind the mask for a bit. Last time you tried to quit cold turkey, this would still give you an in on the good guy thing, but not in the hero business. You know? It's something to think about. I could.... I could help."

She wrapped her arm around him and tugged him down so his head was on her shoulder. She was pretty sure he wasn't going to argue about that. "I know how you feel. Honestly I do. Part of me just wants to tell him to go to hell and stay there. But somehow we gravitate toward him anyway. No matter how much we might be pissed off and hate him, we still want his approval. Well, me not so much anymore but you do. I know it. You can't keep letting that dictate your life. You are your own man." She smoothed his hair back and kissed his forehead. "How am I holding up? Do you want the truth or do you want me to tell you what I tell everyone else?"